Let's talk Empathy

Empathy is a strange subject for me. Part of me searches for people who can be empathetic, not toward me specifically, but toward others. Those are the people I know I will get along with. To me, Empathy makes the world go round.

When Theo was diagnosed with Autism and the months leading up to that I did a lot of soul searching. Because he was non-verbal I didn’t know how he would be affected with his emotional development. I dug my feet in and hoped that I could just show him love, kindness and empathy that he would find his own feelings. Luckily he did, I am blessed to have two extremely empathetic, caring and loving children. I remember falling down the stairs a few months ago while the kids watched, horrified. Part of me expected them to laugh and I was absolutely certain that Theo would shout “oof” or “you oofed.” I was so proud when both boys rushed over and asked if I was okay, helped me to my feet and walked me to the sofa. That’s when I knew we were good! We had succeeded in raising them to be everything a human needs to be these days.

There is a part of me that worries, however, that they don’t let their empathy for others affect them too much. I feel like Empathy is a double edged sword for some, it’s amazing that you can put yourself in other people’s shoes, its a great way to help you govern your way through difficult social situations and hands you some tools to help your friends, to advise them and comfort them. But what if it consumes you?

The “Empath”

I genuinely hate the term “empath” I hate using it, I hate thinking about it. Not because I don’t think it’s a thing, I just think the term “empath” is so sci-fi that it runs the risk of being ridiculed. I feel like when those words come out of my mouth it’s met by awkward glances or eye rolls, like - “Here she goes..”

In fact - if you ask Google to define “Empath” it will tell you;

“(chiefly in science fiction) a person with the paranormal ability to perceive the mental or emotional state of another individual.”

I have been known to be quite dramatic at times, I don’t know why I’m so dramatic, honestly, I dedicate a huge amount of my efforts to filtering myself as much as I can but I still end up with a reputation as a “drama queen” - I worry, I worry about everything and I think about it 100% of the time and it becomes a big deal in my head, then it explodes. I don’t want to say “hypochondriac” but my mortality is on my mind far more than it needs to be and I’m sure it’s probably not healthy. But the point is - I don’t worry for me, I worry for everyone it could affect. I mean, I’m not saying I’m an important person because actually, I’m really not important. But I know, to my boys, I’m a huge part of their world and to just disappear one day would destroy them. This is why I worry.

What’s this got to do with Empath? Everything. I’m constantly absorbing, processing, worrying and drowning in other people’s feelings, emotions and scenarios. Even things that haven’t happened and probably never will. Things that are on TV, particularly the news, I feel it like it’s mine and it harms me. It makes me feel exhausted. I hide away sometimes, I hide in my house and I play games or watch programmes where I cannot relate to the storyline, where nothing resonates and I just process and try my best to “deal with it” so I can free up some space. I don’t smile much, I mean, I smile when I remember I’m supposed to. I want to be very clear, this does not mean that I am not happy. I know it seems that way, but I am not unhappy, I am just a lot of different feelings and emotions at the same time. I try to push the good ones forward and keep the negative ones at bay but that’s tiring.

Can we just set the record - I’m not saying I have a “paranormal ability to perceive the mental or emotional state of another individual” - There’s nothing paranormal about it. It’s about being in tune with the room, the world, current events. It’s about reading body language and facial expressions well (yes, I know when you’re lying to me) and it’s probably, in my opinion, having the unhealthy view that you need to play a part in safeguarding the emotional wellbeing of literally every person on the planet.

I’ve honestly never talked in depth to anyone about this, other than Stevie. But I’ve never had to really think about how to word it, or how to define it and it’s been cathartic, I feel like I understand it a little better now. I know there are people out there like me, I know that other people struggle with this.

Anyway, that’s me. That’s a large part of who I am. I feel like I’ve written a self serving blog post about why I am the way I am, I’m afraid to proof read it because I’m sure it makes little sense - I hope you’re able to navigate it somewhat sucessfully. If you stuck this one through - Kudos to you.

Be kind - Mama , out!